The best comment spam

Here at Texxors we filter comment spam the old fashioned way – by manually sorting through each message. We do this by choice, and here’s why.

There are a ton of great spam filtering services out there, but we like to consider each piece of spam we get as an entry in our “Best Comment Spam” contest. The winners don’t get anything except the glory of knowing that they made the list. However, if you see some of your spam posted here and want to come forward to claim it please do so – make sure to include your full name, private email address, and home address.

Here is the comment spam that has caught our eyes recently. For obvious reasons I’m not posting the links or product names.

Number 1

I am a keen mountain-biker, and was the proud owner of a fairly expensive mountain bike. My bike was fitted with ‘V’ brakes, which are extremely effective, though prone to squealing. My dear brother decided to have a ride on my bike one day, while I was out. He noticed the squealing as he cycled down the hill we live on, towards the invariably busy crossroads at the bottom. Being a helpful sort, he headed back home and proceeded to pour a generous amount of 3-in-1 oil onto the brakes, before once more setting off down the hill. The oil worked! The only reported squealing came from my brother, as he slammed into the side of a moving VW Beetle. To this day he sports an impressive scar running from his eye socket to just past his ear.

Although not particularly funny in itself, the fact that this story ended abruptly with a link to a Viagra-style drug struck me as hilarious. I was quite impressed with the effort that the spammer went to in developing the story, until a Google search revealed that is was ripped from DarwinAwards.com

Number 2

Hey

on and on reckless abdon use this phone to lead you on call home and say hello free mobile phones

best and great mobile phone deals no need for any worries

best mobile phone , great deals on …. not much else just amazing deals on
breathing deeply walking finding stregth
to call and ask her rollercoaster favorite ride let me kiss you one last time

best mobile phone cheap mobile phones from the one and only phone dealer you wont need

(more useless junk)….

One technique spammers use to get around automated filters is similar to MadLibs games. Essentially you just throw a bunch of uncommon words together so that it looks human-written to a computer. Sometimes this can produce some pretty funny comment spam.

In what is no doubt some well-researched and documented jedi marketing trick, this spam clearly states this is “the one and only phone dealer you wont need”. Maybe this is an attempt to reach those uber-cynics who disagree with advertising no matter what it says.

Note that this message offers you “amazing deals on breathing deeply, walking, and finding strength to call and ask her favorite roller coaster ride.” How many times have I laid in bed trying to work up the courage to ask women about roller coasters? Cheap mobile phone spam, if only I had received you ten years ago.

Number 3

Hi, every day I receive this (or other) message:
Visit my new site about sofa sex.

I know there’s a lot of pornography on the internet, but who knew so much of it revolved around sofas? There’s also something about this message that just conveys desperation. Every time I read it I get a picture of someone who is so troubled by receiving messages about “sofa sex” that they have resorted to asking anyone – everyone – on the internet for assistance. In my mind I can’t help but read this as “Please, for the love of God, help me stop these random people contacting me about furniture fornication!!!”

Number 4

CHEAP PAYDAY LOAN

You said you wanted to learn to not work for money, so I’m not going to pay you anything.

Straight and to the point: you ain’t gettin’ sh*t.

Number 5

Valium online recipe….

valium online recipe…

I’m pretty educated but I’ll be damned if I’m going to trust my abilities to make my own Valium.

So there you have it. The best comment spam we’ve received recently.

The best comment spam
0 votes, 0.00 avg. rating (0% score)

4 Responses to The best comment spam

  1. Ron S says:

    Love the bicycle story. These spammers are getting more and more ingenious about the content they generate.

  2. Jeff says:

    At least that’s more imaginitive than the Nigerian scam crap I get all the time. Yea… someone wants to give me 2 million for letting me use my bank account to transfer money.. Right.. I can’t believe anyone falls for that.

  3. Bryan says:

    Seriously, I constantly ask myself “Who falls for that?”. According to this news report the answer is “heart surgeons.”

    I love this poetic reading by zefrank

  4. business income opportunity xango says:

    AirDrives wants to hear your story of a blunder, mishap or near miss that happened because you had on earphones that blocked out your surroundings. Maybe you were almost hit by a car while jogging, didn’ t hear the fire alarm going off, missed an important call, didn’ t hear your boss behind you in the office or some other crazy mishap… the more entertaining the better! Submit a photo, video or blog telling AirDrives your tale and you could win an iPod Touch, the latest version of the iPod AirDrives…

Leave a Reply