Top ten customer utterings
April 23, 2007 Posted by Liz in : Humor , trackback,
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There are so many things I hear people say at my job that annoy me and make me less apt to help a them. Usually these comments display ignorance and an ineptitude for learning. This makes me shut up, take their money, and move on to the next person. Here is my top 10 list of “annoying things customers say that get them on the tech’s bad side.”
10. I don’t go to those sites
Lies. Filthy, rotten, lies. I know you go there. They’re in your history. Either that or you have no history, which tells me you’re ashamed of something in it. If you’re going to lie to me, my willingness to help you drops to zero.
9. The virus must have come with the computer
Really now. With the computer? Seriously? What manufacturer stands to gain anything from putting a virus into your computer intentionally? You’ll just return it. Again with the lies. We’re going to charge you anyway, why lie? What end do you hope will come of it?
8. How come it was working fine when I dropped it off
First off he sentence is not grammatically correct, it should be stated “How did it become that it is now working poorly, as opposed to the original state I supposed it was in?”
Second off, we don’t just break stuff. I’ve heard this countless times from people who dropped it off and didn’t complain of virii, or errors, just that it was “acting funny”. The leading cause of acting funny is a hard drive that’s about to go bad (and acid.)
When it goes bad on us, mostly because we leave it on and walk away from it due to the high volume of computers we have to fix, it’s not our fault. We’re running it the same way you’ve been, not taking hammers to it or giving it electroshock therapy.
7. Can’t you just do it
No, I can’t. See, this is my job. My employer needs some money but they don’t know anything about computers, so they’re going to pay me to fix them for people. In return, people give my employer more money than I make in a day, and they get their computers fixed. If I just “did it”, my employer wouldn’t make any money, and I would be out of a job. That’s called Capitalism. What you want is Socialism. Move to Cuba, it’s warm there in the winters.
6. I just use it for ‘x’ so why do I need a new one
You don’t just use it for ‘x’, you use it for instant messaging and surfing around and downloading little crap programs you think are fun and playing web games and sending email and every program you download assumes you have top of the line. When you download 30 of those, your 8 year old system gets bogged down. It’s time to let go.
5. I’ve only had it for a few months, I want a new one
I don’t care. 14 days, or 30 days, or even 60 days, or whatever the return policy is, is the policy. It’s not “if you bring it back like, around a month or so, or whenever, we’ll give you a brand new one that’s better than what you paid for” it’s “bring it back within that specific number of days and you will get the exact same one”
4. You have to send it off?!
Yes. We do not have the parts for every piece of electronics we have ever sold in the past 43 years we’ve been in business, nor do we have the cash to pay someone who can fix all or half or some of the major and minor appliances, printers, cameras, and laptops in each of our 680 locations. If we did the store would be at least 2 miles wide and we’d have people sending stuff to us.
3. Why has it taken you ‘x’ days to fix ‘y’
Because it’s not about just fixing ‘x’, that only takes us an hour or 2, tops. It’s the giant line you have to wait in. Remember that line you waited in and we checked in people before you? Yea, you have to wait until we get to theirs first. And you have to wait for yesterday’s people, and the day before. All in all, it only takes us about an hour per machine on average, but with 70 machines, that’s 70 hours yours has to wait in line. We’re only open for about 12 hours, so it’ll be a few days. Sorry.
2. Just click that off
This refers to an error, or a popup, or a virus alert, or a firewall question, or any number of things the customer has just been living with for the past year and a half. They brought it in because their e-mail stopped working, but their computer has slowed down to a crawl, over time so that they didn’t notice it, so long that it takes 30 minutes to get it up and running and past the popups. Please read things. Please. If it acts weird or you don’t understand, call me. Please.
1. My cousin’s friend’s brother will fix it
Translation “See you next week.”
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Comments»
I remember an episode when I worked at CompUSA about 15 years ago. A lady walked up to me holding a Hayes brand 9600 Smartmodem. She holds it up and asks me “Is this Hayes Compatible?”. I said, “Wait, let me go check”. I then went in the back, punched out, and went to lunch. I’m only hoping she saw my car drive by as she was standing there waiting.