Crazy Lady

I work at a tech help desk. A woman approached me today with a problem on her computer. It was filled literally to the brim (her hard drive was full) with malware and rootkits. I looked around on the desktop and found the culprit, Limewire. I tried to explain to her that the program was akin to leaving the door wide open at her house. The conversation went as follows: me: Having Limewire on your computer is a bit like buying a security system and then leaving the door open when you leave during the day. Crazy: I don't leave my door open. I always lock it. What does this have to do with my computer? I've only had it for a month. I want a new one. me: It was a metaphor. I can't give you a new one just because you've infected this one. Software isn't covered by the warranty. Crazy: So you're saying because I left my door open someone came into my house and downloaded viruses? me (bewildered): Uhh, metaphorically speaking...yes. But not an actual person. A program that downloads... Crazy: So this security software is supposed to protect me from burglars and it didn't. That's what you're telling me?! me (more bewildered): No, no it's not protection from burglars, just programs that try to get into your computer through the internet. Crazy: Well we don't have the internet. That's where child molesters come from. me: Yes, yes you do- you see you've downloaded... Crazy: Well maybe that burglar came into my house and downloaded the internet. That's where this came from. I want a new one. me: Well we can restore it for you but you'll lose all your data, but you've only had it... Crazy: My data?! I've had this computer for 3 years it has all my son's baby pictures on it! me: This is a Vista machine, you can't have had it more than a few months... and you just said you had it only a month... why don't we just restore it... Crazy: You're an idiot! (grabs laptop and storms out door, forgetting her purse and the AC adapter) In the purse we found smelly socks and a bag of trail mix, no wallet to identify her. Just one more day on the front lines.